i love on-screen violence.

finished watching the fourth season of "the boys" just now. ate the whole shit up in less than a week. hate that i have to wait now till april to see the last season.

i love it. it's silly at times, of course, and the political conversation is less than subtle, but the whole drama is honey to my heart. i would forgo being vegan and being sober just to eat some of frenchie's dishes while hign on a melange of hallucinogenics. mon coeur, there is no one better than you. 

i often think whether i should psychologize my fascination with media portraying the violence of emotionally unavailable men. out loud i said "he is so me" when watching "drive" with ryan gosling. then i slurped up "the sopranos" empathising seemingly a bit to much with the cast of characters and often reproducing their inflections in real-life conversations. 

sometimes i ascribe this to being brought up as heavily emotionally stunted woman, who primarily pours all of the anger back into herself. it rots inside and leaks on others slowly, spreads a stench all over the shop. oh how i wish sometimes to just be a man prone to anger, getting into fights, receiving and giving scars rather than pursue my pathetic strategy. 

obviously would be nice to be properly emotionally regulated, grow up stable and well-rounded, brave but not reckless, assertive but not violent, forgiving but not a doormat. 

oh well, in the meantime, serve me up some of that ultra-violence, baby.